"My beautiful little angel"
Thursday, July 16, 2009
R.I.P. Jesus Alejandro Giovanni Bauer: The whole story that I can remember of my loss.
On July 14th, 2009 I gave birth to my perfect beautiful son. He was still alive when he came out but I heard them say that his heart stopped as soon as the cord was cut. He lived for 11 minutes from 12:50pm to 1:01pm.
I woke up at 5:00 in the morning on July 14th to go to the bathroom. My underwear felt wet and I thought maybe I peed my pants so I played it off. My stomach had a crampy feeling and when I went to wipe I saw the blood everywhere. I called my mom and woke up my borfriend and we called the ambulance. They came and we rushed to the hospital. As I was in the ambulance the medic said he had 2 cases like this in the past week and that i shouldn't worry cause bleeding doesn't always mean loss.
We got to the hospital and they took me straight to the birth center area. They did an ultrasound and my little boy looked so normal and healthy but I gues my cervix was opened 3cm but I was not dilated. They gave me meds to calm the contractions until they could figure everything out. They also gave me a steroid shot and put me on magnesium and put a catheder in so I could be on bedrest. My little guy was a kicker and I guess they said I had all that cramping cause he was kicking the catheder but the pain was soo unbearable and the magnesium made me burn inside and I kept moving and it hurt so bad! I had the urge to push and i tried not to but I felt something coming out and I guess I went into preterm labor. The next thing I know I feel a gush of fluid burst, my water broke! They rushed me into the delivery room. The doctor said push and I kept pushing and he was out. Then I heard them say his heart stopped and I couldnt stop crying but the doctor said push again and I did. It was all over and I remember the WHOLE DAMN SCARY thing!!! I cant get it out of my mind! It will haunt me forever!
Just earlier that day in the hospital bed he was kicking me but now there are no kicks just an empty pathetic stomach. I cant believe he is actually gone, it feels so unreal since he was just HEALTHY moments before the scary labor period happened!
All my family says he is with God now and I know that. But they also say that God had better plans and needs him up there. Well, I need him here with me! Its just not fair! Why can't I have my perfect baby??? Tell me why God! Why did you have to take my baby from me?
He just looked soo perfect and like he was sleeping and I was just waiting for him to wake up or move around or cry but nothing happened. He was just so lifeless laying there helpless.
I woke up at 5:00 in the morning on July 14th to go to the bathroom. My underwear felt wet and I thought maybe I peed my pants so I played it off. My stomach had a crampy feeling and when I went to wipe I saw the blood everywhere. I called my mom and woke up my borfriend and we called the ambulance. They came and we rushed to the hospital. As I was in the ambulance the medic said he had 2 cases like this in the past week and that i shouldn't worry cause bleeding doesn't always mean loss.
We got to the hospital and they took me straight to the birth center area. They did an ultrasound and my little boy looked so normal and healthy but I gues my cervix was opened 3cm but I was not dilated. They gave me meds to calm the contractions until they could figure everything out. They also gave me a steroid shot and put me on magnesium and put a catheder in so I could be on bedrest. My little guy was a kicker and I guess they said I had all that cramping cause he was kicking the catheder but the pain was soo unbearable and the magnesium made me burn inside and I kept moving and it hurt so bad! I had the urge to push and i tried not to but I felt something coming out and I guess I went into preterm labor. The next thing I know I feel a gush of fluid burst, my water broke! They rushed me into the delivery room. The doctor said push and I kept pushing and he was out. Then I heard them say his heart stopped and I couldnt stop crying but the doctor said push again and I did. It was all over and I remember the WHOLE DAMN SCARY thing!!! I cant get it out of my mind! It will haunt me forever!
Just earlier that day in the hospital bed he was kicking me but now there are no kicks just an empty pathetic stomach. I cant believe he is actually gone, it feels so unreal since he was just HEALTHY moments before the scary labor period happened!
All my family says he is with God now and I know that. But they also say that God had better plans and needs him up there. Well, I need him here with me! Its just not fair! Why can't I have my perfect baby??? Tell me why God! Why did you have to take my baby from me?
He just looked soo perfect and like he was sleeping and I was just waiting for him to wake up or move around or cry but nothing happened. He was just so lifeless laying there helpless.
I dont think I will ever get over this! I dont wanna eat, I can't sleep without nightmares, I just don't have strength to do anything really. I just want my baby back! I know I will be with him again someday and I will never stop loving him and praying for him EVER! I love him and miss him soo much.
RIP Jesus Alejandro Giovanni Bauer. Born July 14th, 2009 at 12:50pm. Died on July 14th, 2009 at 1:01pm. In my tummy for 23 weeks and 1 day and alive for just 11 minutes!
RIP Jesus Alejandro Giovanni Bauer. Born July 14th, 2009 at 12:50pm. Died on July 14th, 2009 at 1:01pm. In my tummy for 23 weeks and 1 day and alive for just 11 minutes!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Had My Son at 23 WEEKS 1 DAY... :(
Rest In Peace my precious angel baby Jesus Alejandro Giovanni
July 14th, 2009-July 14th, 2009
12:50PM-1:01PM
He lived only for 11 minutes here on earth but will live in our hearts forever! I miss you my precious baby boy! Mommy loves you forever!!!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
22 WEEKS 6 DAYS BELLY!
Lovely Sunday Afternoon :) After church at my BFs uncles house... Gettin bigger! Ahhh! lol
Saturday, July 11, 2009
22 WEEKS 5 DAYS BELLY!
Trying on a new dress at Target! Yes I bought it cause it looked too cute to pass up! :)
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